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As I moved through this entire journey – from California, to Philadelphia, to Alabama and back; visiting family and friends, then visiting EWTN and the Shrine – I found myself going through a gradual shift, centered away from self and centered more towards God. It’s not as though I wasn’t already aware of this need, or that I wasn’t already on this path. I was. I guess it just became a little less mentally cluttered and a bit more focused.
There are vocations to the religious life, and there are vocations toward marriage. One day, through God’s providence, I’ll have a family of my own. For I know that the Lord keeps his promises. In the meantime, I remain single. And I begin to realize more fully that that is a vocation, too. I just need to continue to rely on God to lead me in the right direction, as is true for all of us. To help us discern the best use of whatever skills and talents He has given us in order for us to grow in our faith and bring glory and honor to Him.
We must work towards having a discerning mind, an open heart, a sanctified body, and a centered soul. I say a discerning mind meaning one that is set in wisdom, as opposed to a so-called "open mind" which can too easily believe or accept any random whim or fad that happens to sound good at the moment. Having an open heart which allows us to be vulnerable and compassionate, not one that quickly closes to hurt or resentment or indifference. A respect for the body as the temple of the Lord, not one that is treated as an end unto itself. And a soul focused away from self, and centered towards Christ.
That’s a tall order. As for me (being my own worst critic), aside from the Lord Himself, I know better than anyone exactly where I need to continue to make changes, adjustments, and improvements in myself and my outlook on life. And if I'm not aware, I'm sure someone else will be more than obliged to let me know.
St. Francis de Sales wrote in one of his sermons, “We must be very faithful, but without anxiety or eagerness; we must use the means that are given to us according to our vocation, and then remain in peace concerning all the rest.” ~ Lenten Sermons of St. Francis de Sales (pg 120)
It was time to leave Hanceville, and head back to Birmingham. The following morning would begin a return to my home in California. I slowly walked back to my car with the seed of inner peace having been planted. I drove away, passing under the modest archway, down the rural road, past the long winding rows of white fences, and eventually turned south onto the remote county road.
The clouds shifted and began to block the sunny haze. And once again the skies opened to release a wild torrent of rain.
“The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders… The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning… The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord is enthroned as King forever.” ~ Psalm 29:3,7,20
I drive past a myriad of trees to the left and to the right, countless trees. And I’m reminded of the early morning sparrows crying out for sustenance, and I heard the owl questioning his purpose, and I heard the woodpecker oblivious to the nails of sin he was hammering into his Savior. I saw the Cross, and Jesus hanging there in his mercy. And I saw the countless crosses that each of humanity bears on its shoulders as we strive to unite ourselves to Christ. And I saw the rain transformed, as tears from Heaven cleansing our souls and washing away our pains.
“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” ~ Hebrews 10:22
With yet another rapid shift of the clouds, ever moving eastward, the rain ceased, and the hazy sun reappeared. And I drove passed the deep gorges in the landscape before me. And I’m reminded of the depth of God’s love. On my left I pass a massive wall of rock stretching out from the tree line, solid yet multi-layered granite in a horizontal slate-like formation. And I recall Christ as our “Rock” and our foundation. And the many layers of his grace and mercy
“Banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body.” ~ Ecclesiastes 9:12
Continuing down the road I noticed that water is pouring forth from the rock - gushing not just over the rock but also from within, between the many layers.
“Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” ~ John 4:14
“For the Lamb… will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” ~ Revelation 7:17
As I come closer to the Interstate, I reach a clearing in the road. And under the blazing sun I behold the freshly baptized trees shimmering in varied hues of jasper and jade and emerald across the corrugated horizon.
So, what does this whole journey say to me, and also to you? Three things:
1) Regarding the past - forgiveness of self and of others. Seek first the Lord's forgiveness for the mistakes you've made, and as He has forgiven you, so should you forgive others.
2) Regarding the future - release the anxiety about the future, and the eagerness to control it. You can make plans, but don't try to control something that's not yet here and uncontrollable, for you may be blindsided or surprised by unforseen events. So, trust in the Lord.
3) Regarding the present - patience and humility. As Bro. Leo said, "be in the moment." And, as St. Peter (the man whom Our Lord and Savior named as the “Rock” on which to build His Church) gently instructs in his letter to “God’s elect, strangers in the world”:
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7
So... pray, persevere, be thankful... and turn down the volume of your life so that you're better able to listen to God... so that He is better able to release the seed of inner peace that he's already planted inside of you. Sure, we'll continue to stumble and fall during our journeys. But at least we'll be falling forward.
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Source Materials:
Biblical Quotes: the Revised Standard Version – 2nd Catholic Edition and the New International Version
“The Sermons of St. Francis de Sales (for Lent given in 1622)” ~ (TAN Books)
“The Confessions of St. Augustine” ~ (Doubleday Image Books)
Pilgrimage Talk ~ given by Brother Leo, MFVA, at The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament (May 17, 2006)
“Come And See: A Pilgrim’s Picture Book of The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament” ~ Our Lady of the Angels Monastery (self-published)
“Mother Angelica: The Remarkable Story of a Nun, Her Nerve and a Network of Miracles” ~ by Raymond Arroyo (Doubleday)
Web Link Sources:
http://www.ewtn.com/
http://www.ewtn25.com/
http://www.ewtn.com/catalogue/index.asp
http://www.olamshrine.com/olam/welcome.htm
http://www.nunsgiftshop.com/
http://www.mfva.info/
Suggested Reading List (by author):
The Writings of St. Francis of Assisi (patron of the Franciscan order – MFVA - at EWTN)
The Writings of St. Clare of Assisi (patroness of the Poor Clare order – PCPA - at Our Lady of the Angels Monastery)
G.K. Chesterton (Orthodoxy, The Everlasting Man, What’s Wrong With The World, and his biographies on St. Francis of Assisi and St. Thomas Aquinas)
Scott Hahn (Rome Sweet Home, The Lamb’s Supper, Lord Have Mercy, Swear To God, Hail Holy Queen)
Rod Bennett (The Four Witnesses: The Early Church in Her Own Words)
Patrick Madrid (Surprised By Truth, Pope Fiction)
Rabbi David Dalin (The Myth of Hitler’s Pope)
Norma McCorvey (Won By Love)
Psalm 139
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EWTN is available on these channels:
• DishTV - channel 261
• DirectTV - channel 422
• Sirius Satellite Radio – channel 160
(check your local cable and AM/FM radio listings for local stations)
See the Chapel on EWTN with each broadcast of the Daily Mass.
See the Shrine on EWTN's Sunday broadcasts of “Benediction & Devotion” (3pm pacific)
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